One of the many ways that disordered eating surfaces is through the need for control. If you’re someone who struggles with disordered eating, COVID restrictions may have you slipping back into old habits when it comes to your relationship with food. Empower yourself to create lasting changes to your current relationship with food with one of our counsellors at Kerry Moller & Associates.
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There is so much uncertainty in the world right now.
Job security, layoffs, and worries over the market…
Not knowing if our lives will ever return to what they once were…
Parents wondering if it’s safe to have their kids at school and how long the kids will continue to go there…
People juggling full-time jobs with little or no childcare…
Unknowns and uncertainties (such as the many we are experiencing during Covid-19) tend to bring up a lot of overwhelming emotions.
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These past few weeks have seen unprecedented change with the rapid spread of the novel coronavirus and COVID-19. Many people are suddenly spending the majority of time at home – either in voluntary or mandated quarantine. Trying to adjust to this new reality of global pandemic has had far-reaching effects on people’s emotional, financial and physical health.
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Our lives are busier, faster-paced, and more stressful than ever before. In the West, most of us are living far away from extended family or isolated from in communities of concern whom, in more traditional societies, would help us navigate life’s transitions and hardships. No wonder therapy is in such high demand!
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September always comes with the promise of a new beginning. Summer offers its final hoorah. The air has a subtle crispness to it. Days become shorter. A few rogue leaves start to turn yellow. All around us, there are signs of change. Once Labour Day is past, we find ourselves looking at a blank page, a new chapter—a fresh start.
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In the year 1917, Sigmund Freud wrote: “In mourning it is the world that has become poor and empty, in melancholia it is the ego itself.” A hundred years later, this famous description of the experience of depression has indeed stood the test of time.
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In today’s modern life, anxiety in children and teens is escalating, now affecting upwards of 20% of children and adolescents over the lifespan. Here are three highly effective techniques that parents can use to help their children not only overcome anxiety, but prevent it. When these practices are implemented as a daily ritual, like brushing teeth, your child will be more likely to develop healthy coping strategies for managing their anxiety going forward.
Just like adults, children are going to have intense, bodily responses to anxiety. Because it’s impossible to be physically calm and anxious at same time, it’s important to teach children how to calm their bodies from a young age. One of the quickest ways to calm the body is to practice belly breathing. Get your child to pretend they are filling a balloon in their belly: inhale slowly and inflate the belly like a balloon, hold the balloon full for one second, and then exhale slowly deflating the balloon. In just 3-5 breaths, your child will begin to calm down.
It’s important for the child to get used to this feeling of calm, and visit it often. Practice belly breathing with your child regularly throughout the day and before bed. If they can practice belly breathing for 30 seconds to a minute before bed, your child will begin to learn that this state of calm is within them and accessible at any time.
Help your child develop mind-body awareness using the following activity. First, acknowledge and validate the feelings your child is reporting or exhibiting. Next, help them draw a connection between what’s happening in their bodies and the feelings of being “scared” or “anxious.” Find a picture of a body (or an outline of a body) on the internet, sit down with your child, and map out exactly what is happening inside their body when they feel anxious. Get them to point to the different parts of the image (or their own body) and speak to what is going on for them when they feel anxious. This practice helps your child develop self-awareness, and helps normalize the feelings and sensations that come along with anxiety.
We can often be baffled, along with our children, as to what is really bothering them. Don’t be afraid to sit down with your child and collaboratively brainstorm what might be triggering anxiety: Are they worried about going to grandma’s house, where there’s a dog, and they are afraid of dogs? Are they anxious about going to school because there’s a mean kid there they haven’t told you about?
Once you’ve discovered some of the factors in your child’s anxiety, you can externalize the anxiety using the beauty of children’s imaginations! Perhaps your child thinks of anxiety as a worry monster. If you have a teenager, they may describe it as a cloud. Pay attention to whatever metaphor or image your child gravitates to, and use that image to externalize anxiety as a certain character or entity. Ask them what it looks like, what is says, what tricks is plays on them, and what super powers they have that might help them resist the worry monster. Externalizing anxiety allows children to realize that it’s “not them” that’s the problem. This recovers a sense of agency and empowerment.
We hope these techniques serve your children well. If you want more support in the process of helping your child or teenager cope with anxiety or fear, feel free to contact Kerry Moller & Associates, and we would be happy to help you. Helping your child learn these practices while they are young can set them up for a lifetime of being able effectively manage their anxiety and fear, so that it doesn’t negatively impact them!
photo: Kristin Horsman
“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
―Anaïs Nin
Today marks the Spring Solstice—the first day of spring—celebrated all across the globe. Cultures from all around the world have rituals and holidays around this time that mark and honour this season of rebirth—Easter, Passover, Ramadan.
Naturally, this is a time of year for renewal and growth. Just as we plant bulbs in our gardens at this auspicious time of year, so too can we seize this opportunity to instil new seeds in our life, and slowly grow into the people we are meant to be. Below is a suggested self-care ritual that will support you to spring out of your old shell and into new experiences. Through this ritual, you can begin cultivating new ways of being that support your inborn capacity for growth and transformation—no matter where you are in your personal journey.
Whether you have a big garden, a tiny balcony, or just a windowsill—get your hands into soil and plant some seeds of your favourite plants or flowers. Several studies have documented that soil contains phytochemicals that have anti-depressive effects on human beings—this is a good reason to get your hands dirty. You can also make this activity into a ritual. As you are preparing the plot or the pot, take time to connect with yourself and envision what it is you want to plant in your life. Envision the change you want to see, and take a moment to do a visualization of what your life might actually look life should you begin to bud, or even blossom! Then, as you plant your seed(s), you will also be figuratively planting the seed for the growth you wish to experience. Don’t forget to give ample water and sunlight to your seeds—again, both literally and figuratively!
Happy Spring!
From all of us at Kerry Moller & Associates
photo: Kristin Horsman
We are pleased to announce the addition of Arunima Sharma to our practice. Arunima is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with a Master’s degree in Integral Counselling Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco and a Bachelor degree in Psychology from University of British Columbia. She is passionate about helping clients from all walks of life discover inner strength, resilience, and a deeper connection to self and others.
Over the last 6 years, Arunima has worked with individuals, couples and families struggling with issues including anxiety, depression, addictions, eating disorders, trauma, grief, concerns around intimacy and sexuality, and those embarking on existential inquiry. Her counselling approach is mindfulness-based, humanistic, body-focused and relational; she blends various modalities into a unique alchemy based on the needs and goals of each client.
As an immigrant and global citizen, Arunima intimately understands the struggles of belonging, acculturation, the sense of separation, and resulting feelings of loss, anxiety and social isolation. Using a systems, multi-cultural, and transpersonal approach, Arunima helps people discover their truth. In the process, her clients feel more resilient, resourceful, independent, connected with themselves and others. With years of experience working across the globe, Arunima has a deep appreciation for human diversity, and for the universality that exists in our human needs, aspirations and longings.
To make an appointment with Arunima or to ask any questions you might have, please call 604-314-1839 or email kerry@kerrymoller.com
“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness. Radical Acceptance directly dismantles the very foundations of this trance.”
―Tara Brach
The third and last podcast we will share this month is a series on mindfulness from renowned Buddhist teacher, Tara Brach. Mindfulness is a practice of awareness and radical acceptance of all that arises in our minds and relationships. By becoming more aware and more accepting of what arises in our life, we enhance our natural capacity to cope with life’s challenges with dignity, courage, and ease. Psychologists and counsellors have begun to adapt the use of mindfulness to therapy, since decades of research has proven that mindfulness is highly effective in treating anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, and even more complicated psychological problems like schizophrenia.
Meditation teacher and psychotherapist, Tara Brach, has spent decades teaching and practicing mindfulness. She has dedicated her life to bringing the practices and principles of mindfulness to those struggling with addiction and mental illness, and to those fighting against issues like racial injustice, environmental destruction, and inequality. In that spirit of generosity, Tara shares her teachings online for free through this podcast. Listen to them in your car, on the bus, while you are making dinner, or sit down on the couch and savour her teachings instead of watching a movie or television show.
The therapists at Kerry Moller and Associates regularly incorporate mindfulness practices into sessions with clients. Whether clients are struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, stress or trauma, we have found that mindfulness practices are incredibly effective in facilitating change and other positive outcomes. If you are looking to begin or deepen your mindfulness practice outside of the therapy room, Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield offer a 7-week, online mindfulness-training program called The Power of Awareness. It will be offered again in Spring 2017, so sign up now!
photo: Kristin Horsman